What wine pairs well with a breakup?

What pairs well with a breakup? It’s no secret that breakups suck.

Whether you’re the mofo getting their heart scooped out with a spoon or the one doing the scooping ...it’s never pretty. And while they say the fastest way to move on is to find someone else, we reckon it’s way more effective to hook up with something else.

Something that will never lie, cheat, or steal your car.

We’re talkin’ wine, of course. As luck would have it – we’ve come up with a killer list of vinos to suit every breakup scenario. So, wipe away the tears, straighten up your standards, and let’s talk strategy.

Rosé

Who needs long-stem roses when you’ve got sweet, fragrant rosé? Because let’s face it, flowers only die, but wine can be savoured like ayoung lover’s kiss. So, no more waiting around for wilted posies and forgotten promises. Grab a bottle of your favourite pre-chilled pink and go soak up some sunshine. Why not whack on your cossie while you’re at it? Close your eyes and let the fresh burst of wild strawberries and melon transport you to dreamy island getaways. After all, now that you’re single – you can do whatever the hell you want! Freedom is but an ice-cold sip away (sigh ...)

Champagne

Nothing says “celebrate” like a tall glass of foaming Champagne. But why are we celebrating? Didn’t you just get dumped? Not if your besties have anything to say about it! When your friends show up with bubbles and brie, they ain’t mucking around. So, it only seems fair that you should let them do their thing. If it means resurrecting that embarrassingly cheesy 80s compilation you thought you’d conveniently lost, so be it. Your mates won’t care about your red eyes and kebab-stained shirt. Though, they won’t let you get away with it for too long. After all, they have come to make sure you haven’t been half-eaten by your cat.

Cabernet

Sometimes you just want some quality alone time. A moment to regroup, recalibrate, and review whatever in god’s name just went down. It’s times like these when you get to put on your trackies, curl up on the lounge, and purely self-indulge. You don’t need to be anywhere or answer to anyone. You have full permission to order a family-sized pizza (right?), devour exotic Belgian chocolates like a champion, and pour yourself a big, fat glass of the good stuff. Because a dark, plummy cab sav is almost as comforting as your mum’s lamb roast. Mmmmm ... lamb ... roast ...

Pinot Grigio

What do the Italians do best? Live, love and laugh it off! They’re the masters of carpe diem. And they sure do like their wine! But sharing the good times is far more important than charging outrageous prices for it. That’s because they know the best things in life are free(ish). And when you’ve just spent all your dosh on a failed romantic getaway, it’s no sin to want to save a few pennies. What’s more, you don’t even have to be in Rome to do what the Romans do. You can score a bottle of some of the tastiest pinot grigio for the price of a couple of lame-arse Valentine’s cards. That’s gotta make you feel better.

Shiraz

This vibrant blood-red brew was made for bleeding hearts. And it’s taking no prisoners. A full-body taste bud assault, shiraz is the key to imminent heartache recovery. So, whoever said revenge is a dish best served cold clearly never experienced the power of this mighty drop. It kicks arse and takes names. With a bold, spicy audacity – it’s own-it-like-a-mofo confidence in a bottle. Because sometimes, the best thing you can do to heal the hurt is simply up your game. Get famous. Get rich. Own a llama. Whatever success looks like to you –go do that. Unapologetically.

And your ex? Pfft.

So, there you have it. Even if you’re not going through a breakup right now, you’ll be well-armed with an arsenal of choices for next time. Of course, we hope there is no next time (*awkward foot shuffle).

But just know we’ve got you covered. And if you’re on the prowl for a different kind of love – check out what’s just landed! Unlike tired old dating apps, we get new stuff in all the time!